Hot/Crazy Scale

THE HOT / CRAZY SCALE

The theory of evolution alleges that humans evolved from monkeys. If we accept this “theory,” then we must also accept that over the course of millions of years, women have become more attractive, less hairy and infinitely crazier.

The problem is certain women’s increase in physical attractiveness has been disproportional to their increase in psychosis. Luckily for us, a chart exists where we can see just how out of balance the ratio between your hotness and craziness has become - knowledge that can prove to be invaluable over the course of your daily life.

Now, you know how hot you are. But you probably have no idea how crazy you are – a major contributing factor to the problem. That’s where the great Professor Barnabus Stinson comes to the rescue. Be honest and rate your hotness from 1-10. Then, take the following simple quiz I’ve designed to see where you fall on the hot/crazy scale.

 

 

1. You’re walking down the street and see Matt Damon. You:

a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.

2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:

a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.

3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:

a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.

4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:

a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.

5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:

a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.

6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:

a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.

7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:

a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.

8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:

a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.

9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:

a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.

10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:

a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart… then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”

To find your “Crazy” rating, give yourself 0 points for every A response, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for every C. Take that total and divide by two.  You now have your crazy number.  

Now, using your self-assigned hot number, find your position on the Stinson Hot/ Crazy scale.  Remember, you want to find yourself located on the hot side, not the crazy side.  If the results are not to your liking, please adjust your appearance or personality accordingly. 

 

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*saka na muna politika. wala pa sa mood.*

At the foot of the master

Dear Barney,

I recently suited up with my best friend in hopes of being as awesome as you, but when we suited up, it was ninety-eight degrees outside and everyone just thought we were crazy. Do you suit up in warm weather, and if so, how do you stay cool?

Tim

Timothy, you’ve touched upon a heated issue: Global Warming. Some members of the “scientific community” would have you believe that human activity is causing global temperatures to increase at a catastrophic and unnatural rate. “Wait, scientists, let me get this straight: You’re telling me it’s gonna be like summer all year round? Oh no! Panic! Let’s all go out and buy pukey hybrid cars and only take showers once a week!” Please.

Curiously, while much of the “research” has focused on promoting scare tactics like “melting ice caps” and “irreversible drought,” few have discussed how a “global warming” would affect people who don’t live in impoverished nations or on ice caps. Your Uncle Barney’s here to talk about what rising temperatures would mean for fashion.

One very welcome outcome would be a decrease in aggregate clothing for the female population. Two thumbs up. But would today’s exceptionally-clad gentlemen have to trade in their fine woolen three-buttons for a neon tank top, denim shorts and flip-flops? Would an entire nation of men suddenly dress like Orlando? No. That would be irresponsible, which is why we must make changes today to protect the fashion environment for our future generations.

Here are five tips on how you can suit up while keeping temperatures down.

1. SLEEVELESS APRON SHIRT: As it’s rarely acceptable to take off your jacket (what are you, a waiter?), the sleeveless apron shirt is a Stinson summer staple. Giving the appearance of a fully tailored and collared dress shirt, its sleeveless and backless design affords optimum breeze with minimum fabric, cooling your skin without compromising your couture dignity.

2. CROTCH VENT*: While conventional wisdom claims that heat escapes from the head and hands, if you’re anything like your Uncle Barney, there is one area of the body that runs a little hotter than the rest. A strategic hole placed in the crotch can allow for optimum trade winds both north and south of your equator. Tactical placement of a small taxi fan can maximize your expected draft. NOTE: Sudden movements on tighter-fitting pants can lead to unexpected junk exposure.

3. DESK PANTS: If you work at a desk job, simply take off your pants. CAUTION: When rocking the top-half-business-bottom-half-party look, remember to reapply your pants before running off to an important meeting.

4. MESH SUIT: A dangerous but potentially life-changing alternative, the mesh suit cannot be approached haphazardly. It must contain the darkest and smallest diameter mesh fabric possible lest you risk looking like you’re late for a 1980s high school football or rock band practice. Tailored properly, the mesh suit resembles a classic pinstripe while stealthily providing the comfort of a screen-door breeze. Added bonus: The pants provide an exciting, albeit risky alternative to your strip club ensemble. Added added bonus: No more pesky tan lines.

5. RELOCATE TO ALASKA: It’s cold there. I think there might be penguins. And penguins are the original suit-wearers. If anything can survive a global warming, it’s those little guys.

* Alterations to existing suits should only be performed on your last-ditch, “laundry day” garments…the ones hanging in the back of your suit humidor.

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Barney Stinson is a character from the series "How I met you mother". Malupit ang show na ito. Laugh trip all the way. The actor who plays Barney happens to be THE guy who starred in Doogie Howser MD.

Pig vs Rat

THE PIG

04 Feb 1935-23 Jan 1936	22 Jan 1947-09 Feb 1948	08 Feb 1959-27 Jan 1960
27 Jan 1971-15 Feb 1972	13 Feb 1983-01 Feb 1984	31 Jan 1995-18 Feb 1996
	18 Feb 2007-6 Feb 2008

People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people¡¦s confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.

2008 Predictions

1. Many Pigs will be glad 2007 is closing although 2008 will be a funny old year with a few ups and downs.
2. There is nothing to be concerned about this year, just be careful and if your partner is a Pig spend some more time with them as they will need love and support in 2008 not because it will be a bad year only the annual influences can make them feel a little sad.
3. Please be aware of overspending this year.
4. Your year is similar to the Rat and if your partner is a Rat be prepared for sparks to fly as you are both in conflict with relationship in March, and temptations of extra relationship are high so please be aware and spend more time at home.
5. If you are a single Pig looking for romance then the year could be good but could also cost in money as you may be tempted to spend more money than usual, just be cautious in relationships this year and resist spending too much.
6. Pigs should be careful of chest infections and if you do a lot of travelling with public services like the train or aeroplanes etc take some tea tree or lemongrass on a tissue to avoid airborne bacteria as you are venerable to respiratory infection this year.
7. For further protection wear some hematite beads or amethyst.
8. For the Pig in business and career this year will be much better than last although you should not boast too much with colleagues or competitors as there are a few people out there that may want to back stab you and tell many lies to make you look bad.
9. Make sure you wear your protection animal for the year and more importantly remember my advice as being prepared is good.
10. In business you may also be offered a partnership and you should look at this as being positive, ensure you spend time looking over any small print on contracts.
11. To enhance romance and career in 2008 place four pieces of hematite crystal along a very auspicious i-ching coin placed in a bowl of still water, this cure is very important in 2008 as is the Four Pillars Taiyang enhancer placed in the inter-cardinal compass sectors SW-SE-NW & NE.
12. Take extra care in the months of July, August and December and make sure you check back with us monthly to get your updates for the month.
13. Your lucky sector: (astrological zone) is the Northwest (322.5º - 337.5º) of the home or office. Although the northwest is your astrological zone, this may not be the best direction for you to face when seated at work or doing anything important.
14. Try to face one of your personal favourable directions when you are doing something important or when seated at your work desk.
15. To find your personal favourable or unfavourable directions, you have to look at your personal Gua number based on the year you were born.
16. You are in affinity with the Tiger. For your protection, you should have a key chain pendant of a Tiger.
17. Be careful if your main door, bedroom or office or any other important room is located in the south, northwest or west this year 2008.
18. If your office or bedroom is located in the southeast or southwest please be aware that in the months of April & July 2008 make sure you place a Wu Lou or six Chinese coins tied in a row with red ribbon for the month especially if you are not in good health or very stressed.
19. When at work, you may sit facing the south direction if this is one of your personal good directions, but do not sit with your back to the south or you may find unscrupulous people working against you or you may encounter undue gossip and back stabbing during the year.
20. Because the south has the three killings and Sui Po combined with the #5 bad luck star, this makes the south very undesirable in 2008.
21. One cure you shall definitely be using and one that is an intricate and an exceptionally powerful cure in 2008 is a six metal Dragon hanging Pagoda.
22. The reason you can only use this cure in the south is because the Dragon is part of the three combinations (San He) and if placed correctly not only can it cure the negative effects of the south in 2008 it can also enhance a very inauspicious area making it an extremely powerful cure and enhancer.
23. With Tai Sui, you may rely on him for support in that you may sit with him in the north and face the south.
24. Do not confront him by undertaking any renovation or construction works in the north or by sitting in a position that is directly opposite him (south).
25. In 2008, this means do not sit with your back to the south facing north even if this is your best direction.
26. Most traditional Chinese families would place a Pi Yao and a gold coloured three legged toad in the south of the home facing north or if your main door is in the north, place it just inside the door facing north.
27. Sui Po year breaker occupies the division directly opposite Tai Sui Grand Duke, which for 2008 is south.
28. You should treat this area the same as the other annual afflictions with no groundbreaking work, renovations or any noisy activities.
29. If disturbed this area can and normally will cause immediate health problems especially for the elderly, so please be very careful.
30. If you have to carry out work or emergency repairs in the south place a six hollow metal rod wind chime between the building and where the work is being carried out.
31. To soften the effects of the year you should hang six Chinese coins tied with a red ribbon and place it in the northwest of your home or office this year to control the #2 star.
32. You should also place a six rod metal wind chime in the south along with a set of six Chinese coins tied together with ribbon in your home this year to weaken the #5.

Source

 

End of the world as we know it. [R.E.M]

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane -

Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn -

world serves its own needs, don’t misserve your own needs. Feed it up a knock,

speed, grunt no, strength no. Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,

down height. Wire in a fire, represent the seven games in a government for

hire and a combat site. Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the furies

breathing down your neck. Team by team reporters baffled, trump, tethered

crop. Look at that low plane! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, population,

common group, but it’ll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves it's

own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the

reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright

light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o’clock - TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign tower. Slash and burn,

return, listen to yourself churn. Lock him in uniform and book burning,

blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate. Light a candle,

light a motive. Step down, step down. Watch a heel crush, crush. Uh oh,

this means no fear - cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament,

a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives

and I decline.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mountains sit in a line.

Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.

Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic,

slam, but neck, right? Right.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...fine...

(It’s time I had some time alone)

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And so it happens...

The Speaker of the House was declared vacant last night through the howling of Palace dogs, political ass kissers, if I may.

To set the record straight, I am not pro-JDV, but I am anti GMA.

Sure, JDV was a trapo. Having the same politcal blood and living in the same political system that has plagued the country for decades. A trapo through and through, just like the hounds that barked at him in the congress. He shouts the same sweet promises, gives the same "inspirational" speech, "gives" money for "free", and "serves" the country, like every leech, askal, snake, and alligator in congress.

But his colleagues hated him. Well, the first answer that I could give would be because "galit ang magnanakaw sa kapwa magnanakaw". Trapo hating trapo. (might as well kill themselves)

But the revolt is not about who gets to have the lion's share. It's about the getting back at someone whose son roared about the First Family's abuse of getting more share that what is supposed to be theirs.

Sure, the hobbit who lives in the Palace has more moronic dogs loose in the House of Representatives (who I think represents only the President and not their district! btw, F*ck you sa congressman ng distrito namin sa Batangas! daddy's boy! The thing is the representatives who we voted for seemed to owe the president for being elected, kinalimutan na ang mga talagang bumoto sa kanila), but JDV still has an ace up his sleeve (or ear). I cant wait for the day that he bitch slaps the hobbit with his revelations. I only takes little to irritate the masses with what is happening right now in the country.

Sure, the country is economically growing (with the help of US Stock's slide), but I hope people grow ethically and intelligently better.

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Sana naman matuto na ang Pilipino. Sayang ang demokrasya at kalayaan na ipinaglaban ng mga ninuno natin. Sana makita natin ang kinabukasan ay nasa ating sarili hindi nasa unano sa palasyo o sa mga aso sa kongreso.